Bananas
by iSpeakInMovieQuotes
Summary: For the first time in his unlife, Damon was absouletly terrified of a human being. read and review!


This is my very first fanfic EVER. Please be kind, and R & R I do not own Vampire Diaries, no copyright infringement intended. I wish I did though. Mostly I wish I owned Damon Salvatore. Sigh. Such a cruel world. Anyways, enjoy!

Elena Gilbert was miserable. She had been through a lot of pain in her life, with all the biting and various vampire-hijinks-related injuries, but this was excruciating. It was a constant torture that would not allow itself to be banished, no matter what she did.

_Mother Nature, _she thought, _thou art a heartless bitch._

Usually her menstrual cramps weren't so bad. She would just scarf down a banana and went along on her merry way. But for some reason, this month's period was trying to kill her. She was curled up in a ball on her bed, arms wrapped around her aching body. She tried reaching for her phone to call Bonnie and ask her BFF to pick up some Tylenol, but the damn communications device was just out of reach, and there was no way in hell she was getting up. Her arm flopped back on to the bed hopelessly as she spiraled into a deep depression at the thought of having to tough out the cramps.

Damon Salvatore stood outside Elena's front door, hesitating. Should he knock? No, that would weird her out. He usually barged in. If he deviated from his normal routine, the whole order of the universe would be disturbed and all hell would break loose. He tried the doorknob. It was locked.

_Damn it._

Damon sighed dramatically to himself. He vampire-sped to the back door to check that lock. This one was open. Halleluiah. He waltzed on in to discover that no one was there to actually see his entrance. He was actually disappointed.

"Elena?" he sang. No answer. He frowned. Elena would never leave a door open if she wasn't home.

"Elena?" he repeated, his voice concerned. He paused, and closed his eyes. Using his vampire hearing, he listened to the life in the house.

_Does Elena know that there's a mouse under her fridge? She really should call the plumber about that pipe in the basement._

Finally, he heard her heartbeat. It was a magical sound, and nothing like he had ever heard in his life/unlife. She was upstairs in her room. He smirked to himself as various dirty fantasies played in his head. He licked his lips as he imagined her stretched out on her bed, wearing nothing but lacy lingerie. These fantasies were interrupted when he heard the object of his perverted fantasies groan in pain, followed by many swear words. His blood went cold — or it would have, if he was still alive. He flew up the stairs and came to a screeching halt at Elena's door. She was clearly in agony, curled up in a fetal position on her bed.

"Elena!" Damon rushed to her side. "Elena! Baby, what's wrong?"

"Don't call me baby!" Elena snapped.

Damon leaned back quickly. "Ok, ok, backing off." He stood there, not knowing what to do.

"Elena, what's wrong?" he burst out.

"Cramps."

"Cramps? Like a Charlie horse or…" That is when it hit him. He could smell it.

"Oh God." He breathed. "Um… well this is awkward. I'm gonna go." He turned to leave.

"Don't you DARE go anywhere!" she screamed.

Damon was a badass vampire; he had caused much havoc and chaos and his time. He had fought the worst criminals of the century. And yet, he had never been so scared of a human being before.

"Aaaaaaand I'm not going." He turned on his heel to face Elena. Her facial expression was almost funny. He was overwhelmed with the urge to laugh, but suppressed it in fear of being staked. PMS was more unstable than a cesium molecule.

"Damon…" Elena moaned. "I need you to get me some stuff."

"What do you need?" Damon made sure to stand out of arm's reach.

"Tylenol, maximum strength. Bananas-"

"Bananas?" Damon chuckled.

"To help with the cramps, dipshit!"

"Right, cramps." Damon stopped laughing. "Anything else?"

"Pads. With wings."

"What the f…. wings?"

"Yes wings!"

"Ok, wings it is."

There was a pause.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go and get me the stuff!" Elena yelled.

"Ok, ok, I'm going!"

Damon was absolutely bewildered. There were so many different kinds of pads! Scented or unscented, overnight pads, light/medium/heavy flows, panty liners, maxi pads. The varieties never seemed to end. To top it off, he was getting looks from the preteen girls and their mothers. He averted their equally bewildered gazes, and focused on the hygiene products.

_Why are there so many freaking options?_

"Can I help you, son?"

Damon started, and turned around to see a little old lady wearing an apron and a name tag reading "Mary".

"Um…" Damon had never been so mortified.

"You seem lost." Mary smiled at him.

"Uh…"

Mary smiled, waiting patiently for Damon to pull himself together.

"I have no idea what I'm looking for." Damon admitted sheepishly.

"Are you looking for your… girlfriend?" Mary asked nonchalantly.

"Elena's not my- I mean, yes, I'm looking for my girlfriend."

"Where is she in her cycle?" Mary said.

"I um… I think she's just starting." Damon mumbled. He was one of the perverted individuals history has known, but it didn't make this encounter any less awkward. "She said something about wings…?"

"Well then," Mary said brightly. "She would probably benefit the most from these." She reached up and selected a package and handed it Damon. He hastily shoved it into the basket next to the ibuprofen and bananas.

"You're such a lovely boyfriend. My husband would never brave this frontier for me." Mary grinned.

Damon returned a genuine smile, and Mary walked away to help another customer.

"Took you long enough." Elena grumbled as he sat on the bed.

"Is that how you treat your knight in shining armor?" Damon smirked, giving her his signature smoldering look.

"Just give me a damn banana."

Damon obeyed. After she wolfed down the banana, he handed her the Tylenol. She snatched it out of his hands.

"Yikes Elena, I'd like to keep my hand if you don't mind." He said, examining his fingers.

She just glared at him, and downed the medicine.

"I have a surprise for you," Damon grinned. He reached into the shopping bag and pulled out a Godiva chocolate bar. "I thought it would help with the mood."

"I'm not in a mood!" Elena screeched. "Plus, chocolate is bad for me right now! I'll get all bloated and I'll have an acne explosion!"

"The acne thing is a myth. But whatever, if you don't want it…" he started to unwrap it.

"Give it!" she lunged at him and yanked the chocolate bar out the wrapper and devoured it. It melted in her mouth, and Elena had to admit that it was the best chocolate she ever had.

Damon laughed internally as he watched her.

"Well, if that's all," he said, standing up. "I should go. I have evil things to do. Places to go, people to kill, blah blah blah." He gave her the smoldering eyes look again, and turned to leave the room.

"Damon?"

"Oh god, what now?" he turned back exasperated.

"Thank you." Elena smiled for the first time all day. Even though he drove her bonkers (in quite a few departments) and he was a seriously screwed up person, she loved his sweet side.

"You're welcome, babe." Damon grinned mischievously. He sped out the house, leaving Elena chuckling into her chocolate bar.


End file.
